Blogger needs an iPhone app..

I think someone needs to get on that, like pronto. So many times in the past two weeks i've had the urge to blog, but haven't been able to jump on the computer. And apparently my phone isn't capable of letting me blog through the enternet explorer safari...complete fail.

I feel like i'm being tested..like this past two weeks have been a test. I feel invaded. I feel like this blog might be invaded, thus preventing me from expressing how i feel right about now. My lack of privacy is scarce, and for the first time in a really long time i feel claustrophobic. I find myself now more then ever having to take deep breaths to calm myself, or walking out of my room to get away from it. It won't last forever, but right now, forever feels like this past couple weeks.

Does that make me self righteous? People seem to think so. Since when has being self righteous been a bad thing? I suppose it's to be determined. I just....ugh.

Side note, I'm twenty now. I don't think twenty's old, do you? I don't like being called old, that or short. This week i've been called both. I don't like it...maybe i'm just being overly sensitive. Maybe i don't feel old because i'm still getting told what to do like a kid. I can't wait to go away to college and assert myself.

I'm not being emo, i swear...it's just i don't know who to talk to this about, but i need to get it out some how..


Sigh.

I have the urge..

To write something, even though i really have nothing to say...or maybe that's my subconcious telling me i have something to say.

School starts next week, i am stoked...there is nothing like staying at home and doing the same mundane tasks that makes you miss school. I'm a little nervous about taking five classes this semester, but i think i've got this..i have to. I feel like i should be getting ready to recieve acceptance letters from schools i should've applied for last semester, but i'm not. I recognize people are not the same, and do things at their own pace, but there's still that thought in the back of my head nagging. Like, ugh, i don't know. I guess i'm more annoyed at it then upset, i'll get over it once i start school.

Speaking of next week, i turn 20 next weekend. Holllllller! I think i'm more excited for that nights festivities then anything else. How weird that Jackson and his band '100 monkeys' plan a show the day of my birthday on a whim? Crazy..i'm exicted. Joey's manager is trying to get X ammounts of backstage passes for us. I don't know how i'll feel if that X is just one, and it's only me going back there. Can you say awkward? like, especially if i walk in on something i don't want to see. Or like if i run into someone, maybe a twilight cast member? i don't know..i'm thinking to much into it considering it's not a done deal.

Lastly, something i feel i want to talk about..i hate when i can't help someone. And by someone, i mean my family.. times get hard, and things go wrong, but in the end it'll all be okay. But when in the middle of a storm, it sucks when your umbrella breaks..though the optimist in me is saying atleast lightening hasn't striken.

Guess that's all i have to say for now. Until next time..

:O

So basically, i went to a meeting today with my English professor from last semester. Since i enjoyed her class aside from her scatterbrained tendencies, i wanted to take her for English 101 this semester; but her class was full leaving me on a waiting list. She emailed me last week telling me that she wanted me to meet her in her office this morning so she could add me to her class. While i was there, she told me about this new thing she was doing with nine of her students, out of all her classes. I knew she liked my writing style from when she reviewed my essays from last semester, but i didn't think i was that good. Anyways, she gave me the option to teach a workshop of some sort on writing with two other students every third Friday. She went into details saying how there's nine students who she could pick out based on their writing, and i was one of them. To say i was stunned was an understatement..it's not every day that i get a complement like that. I don't know if i can do it, or if i'll be any good at it, but the more i think about it, the more excited i get. Even if i get 100 points of extra credit and nothing else out of it.

Exciting stuff. (:

The End of Ten

It's Christmas Eve, and a week from today, the last day of ten. Crazy, right? One thing i hate about the holidays though, is the whole expectations of gift giving. Times are hard, and it makes me feel like an ass when people assume i wont like less. I think i'm getting older and more understanding, because as nice as opening presents is, i'm more looking forward to others reactions to the gifts i give and spending time with my family. But anyways, there's a week left of 2010, and i thought i'd reflect.

Back in June, when i came back from the Eclipse camp out, I went to the local Stater Brothers to buy baloons and cake for my step dad's birthday with Bonnie and Morgan, and saw first-hand how well i had it. I just spend hundreds of dollars on meaningless things that week down in LA to meet the Twilight cast, and people in front of me at the check out could hardly afford a dozen packets of Top Ramen and a three liter jug of fruit punch...And when i say hardly, i mean can't, they ended up putting back a few packages of Ramen. Speaking of feeling like and ass.. It's horrid, and i see it almost everytime i go out. Yesterday when i went to AMPM to get a drink, i saw this little six year old boy give the chasier six dollars in ones for gas, and then he proceeded to pull out a handful of change from his pocket to purchase a packet of starburst gummies. He was the sweetest little thing too, he held the door open for me and my sister, it breaks my heart. That's just a few incidents that stuck with me though, there has been plenty though, for sure. It's sad that America is so focused on helping third world countries, that's all well and good don't get me wrong, and there's people going hungry and homeless in their own backyard. Our country may be in debt, but it's 2010, i think we could manage something......such a shame.

I can't complain about my life, especially in comparison to others i see. 2010 definatly had its downs...the kind of downs that seem impossible to come back from, and definite highs. I may complain about the wrongs, but i have it good, and 2010 was a good one.
I don't have any resolutions, nor do i have any qualms on making anything. I harp about my follow through, but i wont do so. I just hope 2010 could be half as good as 2011....maybe that should be a resolution? Be open minded with life, make it the best it could be. I think i might be able to handle that.

So instead of complaining about lifes miserable moments, i'll harp about the good. I'm so thankful for my family, friends, and my life. Each one of you know what you mean to me, so i don't need to go into specifics.

Here's to 2010 for being an amazing year that i'm thankful for. Here's to making 2011 another amazing year. Here's to having many more amazing years to come. Here's to my amazing friends, family, and life. and Here's too a great holiday spending time with your family.

Tasha is the only one who reads this that i know of, but whoever reads it, Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year.

Jessy

Life in '10..

Sup?

It's 2am, i have to be up and ready by 7am to go to L.A...and i'm writing an entry in a blog.

It's been a year, and nothing to drastic has changed.

Except for the fact that Uncle Mike pretty much beat cancer....it will come back, it's inevitable, but he'll fight it again, because he's a tough cookie like that!

Schools still a pain, drifting is still going on, money or lack there of still causes problems, Danny's staying here for good, I met Jackson Rathbone, I made a few revelations through out the year, and i'd like to say i grew from it, as well as grew up.

Friends come and go, and i get that now...except it even. It's my fault for not putting forth a bigger effort in remaining to keep contact, but...You know.

Did i mention i met Jackson Rathbone? Because i totally did.

I also kind of met Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, i just have no picture proof. Well that's kind of a lie, there is kind of proof i met KStew.

Pretty trivial in comparison to my uncle beating cancer, though, right?

I think the adding of the pictures might be more for my benefit considering the only person who really has only ever read this blog other then myself-Tasha- has already seen these already. For the creepers i doubt are reading this- why would i have creepers on an unknown blog that i don't link back to myself?- Have fun viewing.

So regards of the friends thing: i just don't care anymore. Those who are in my life, are in my life for a reason, the ones that slip away, slipped away for a reason, and i'm absolutely alright with that. Earlier this year i kind of had a melt down because i felt all lonely, basically had a pity party on my birthday, and made a revelation about friends. Long story short in a nutshell, i got kind of depressed thinking about best friends that live near me, and best friends that live far away. How ironic is that the friend your closest with lives over 300+ miles away? and the least lives down the street from you? Yeah, i know. But my mom made a really good point, telling me that each friend in my life serves there own purpose, not one friend will be the same, or have what i need in a friend, but put all my friends together, and they're all i need. So basically? Moving on and loosing friends is apart of life, and i'm glad that the friends i have are apart of my now, even if we go weeks without talking, or weeks without seeing eachother, they're here for a reason, and i'm glad. So to my Best friends, whether you live in Vegas, Flordia, 2 hours away, or down the street, thank you, i love you.

How funny is it that writing blogs are kind of therapeutic in a way? i find it hilarious.

That's it for now, and since i'm going with a twilight theme with these pictures, i might as well post my newest favorite Robert Pattinson picture- it's not new, probably a month or two old, i'm just late, or maybe my distaste of the papz blinded me from seeing this amazing pic they took.

Sooooo, It's now 3am, and i'm feeling sick. Can you get sick from lack of sleep? Because i've totally been lacking in the sleep department this week....MY BAD!

I've said my peace on what i wanted to put to rest. So i'll leave it on that note, and let Rpatz take it away....

Until next timeee.

Thanksgiving..

So it's technically thanksgiving NOW, so happy thanksgiving to anyone who stumbles across this.

we're off to a typical, stressful, holiday staying at home instead of being with ALL the family. it's better this way this year though, the last thing i would want is to get Uncle Mike sick when he's going through chemo.
So here's to giving thanks: I'm thankful for my parents, who agitate me to know end at times, and redicule and push me to do something, but i know they do it to give me whats best in life, and i truly appreciate it. I'm thankful for my siblings: even though they sometimes annoy me to no end, they bring the kind of warmth and joy anyone can ask for, thanks for always being there and giving me advice, love you all. To my large beautiful family: THANK YOU. you are all so strong willed and amazing, i know even through this tough time, we will all pull through anything that comes our way. To my best friends: Chrystal, we don't talk as frequently as we used to, but your my beshiee, and i could not not be best friends with your smart ass. Tasha, YOU are such an amazing person, i love you to death. i could not thank you enough for ALWAYS being there for me, i dont even think you could grasp the gravity of how much it means to me, and how your little words of encouragements boost me up, thank you thank you thank you. Raynaaaaa, your awesome. Staci, your one of a kind. To my "friends": thanks to those who say you're my best friend, and arnt, you help me realize that i don't need people like that in my life. to those who actually are my friends, thanks for actually being there even when you're not.
there's so much more i'm thankful for, but its hard to list every single thing in every single detail. since last year, i feel i've grown so much more as a person thanks to everything that has come my way, and i wouldn't take anything back.
i can't say thanks enough for such a privledged, and blessed life i live.

fiiirst

first blog, how fun.
seeeeing as it's almost 2:30 in the am, i have nothing cool or witty to write.
this shall be an interesting experience, blogging to followers who can read what i say, haha.

anywhoo, i can now say my i wrote my very first blog, about absolutely nothinggg.
im gonna get off this beast and swoon over Mr.Darcy on Pride and Prejudice.
:p